do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
