Your dad touched me again.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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