It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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