I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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