i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
