You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
