Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
