His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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