Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Im part way to drunk.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
