This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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