You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
