at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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