just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
