My cat gives me a boner
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
They have beer where we have blood.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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