So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize