I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
