He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize