No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
