Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
It was confusing and full of hummus
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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