Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
