there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I have demons in me.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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