____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
