She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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