i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
