Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
