when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm just crazy horny about you
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
