what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I cut my penus on the lid.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
