im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
