Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
