if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
