this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
