i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
