surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We are two peas in an std pod
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
