super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We had sex on a dog bed..
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize