Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
MIDGETS
????
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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