When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize