Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
