why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
