If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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