I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
