my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
