If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
