her vagine was all disorganized.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
