Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
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