you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
