Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
