turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
