...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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