So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
