my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
