I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
