I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
