And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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