I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
