No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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