Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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