You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
