sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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