you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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