the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
