My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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