I think i peed on brittanys purse
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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