Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I cannot find my penis.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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