she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I need water and some morals
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
