ugly people sure do ruin things
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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